July 30, 2013

Our thoughts create our environment.  I never really grasped this concept until just recently.  As I look back on the past several years of my life as a single mom, I see a very clear pattern that I repeated over and over again.  I know now that it was this thinking or attitude that has kept me in the same place that I've continuously wanted to be away from.  Negative thoughts produce negative results.  Positive thoughts produce positive results.  I've blamed my ex-husband for the situation I've found myself in.  Alone, broke, angry and with a real sense of uncertainty for the future.  While it most certainly is a fact that it was his doing to end our marriage and move on with another family, it has been my doing to continue living in a "this is all your fault" mindset.  Looking objectively now, I see all the time, energy and tears I wasted over a situation that I found myself in and had no control over.  The facts are the facts.  My husband left.  I'm divorced.  I'm raising a child alone.  While those are the facts plain and simple, they don't have to dictate where my life goes from here or for that matter from the day that he walked out the door.  That's the sad and at the same time happy reality of my realization.  It's sad not only because my marriage ended but because I allowed the thought of it ending to control my life for all these years.  This sad realization is coupled with a sense of happiness however because now I've awaken to the fact that I have the power to control myself, my thoughts, my life and my destiny.  I can choose to wallow or I can choose to be free.  I wish I would've discovered this years ago.  It would have saved me a lot of heartache but as the saying goes everything happens for a reason and we learn what we should in the proper time.